I do a lot of therapy groups, and one thing I have to state sometimes to people is that I was orphaned with living parents. I wasn’t raised by my biological parents, and turned 18 as a ward of the state. I have not met many people with this set of circumstances, so I want to ask if anyone here is comfortable sharing?

There are obvious negatives, I was homeless a number of times from 18-24 years of age. Stuggled a lot financially and finding my footing in life. I also have shit self esteem. Now in my late 30s, I never realized how much it effected me to not have an adult care about me as a child, well into adulthood and I still struggle. Also, holidays were rough until a few years ago.

The positives are I don’t have to deal with ass hole parents, dramas and such, and I don’t ever have to worry about their end of life care. I also learned what not to do when I became a parent myself, and have dedicated my life to ending generational trauma.

  • Kit@lemmy.blahaj.zone
    17·
    9 days ago

    I was not orphaned but was homeless at 18 due to escaping an abusive environment. I’ve gone through my adult life with no safety blanket and it has profoundly impacted my anxiety and need for control. I’ve managed to build a great life and I’m very successful on paper, but people don’t see the backup plans upon backup plans that I have in-place to have some sort of feeling of safety.

    I’ve also found it very hard to relate to people my age because they usually have some sort of relationship with their family and often times move back in with parents when shit hits the fan.

    I also still feel very unloveable by everyone around me and I’m suspicious whenever someone shows affection, because it feels like a trick - or even if it does feel legitimate, I know that they’ll hurt me eventually. That’s been a big topic in therapy recently.

    • Madzielle@lemmy.dbzer0.comOPEnglish
      5·
      8 days ago

      I’ve also found it very hard to relate to people my age because they usually have some sort of relationship with their family

      Wow this hit home.

      I remember in my early to mid 20s really really struggling with this too. It’s still tough today, albeit a bit easier to deal with, but it was such a stuggle especially in the young adult years. I wouldn’t even date a potential partner if they had good parents, because I felt some ways about it. I remember working retail, and basically having a fit inside one day because I over heard a teenage gril fighting with her mom about her mom buying her stuff. I never once went clothing shopping with my mom, or another woman and the girl was being so ungrateful. I pretty certain I cried in the bathroom for a time that day.

      I don’t miss feeling that deep pain. Healing is such a good feeling. Therapy helps me a lot too. I still go on a regular basis to cope with stuff. Im glad you’ve that resource too <3