Some of my family members survived the Holocaust and concentration camps solely on care from specific guards or captains. My only hope is that a lot of people get $50K to infiltrate and fuck over ICE

I’m sure this was entirely satirical, but just in case: you reap what you sow. As in, “this is what you planted and how you let it grow, now you gotta clean it from your fields.”

Sowing is the act of scattering/planting your seeds in the field. Reaping is where you take your sickle (the gardening tool carried by the grim reaper), and actively cut/clear/harvest your fields. When you go to harvest, you want to harvest a lot, but not so much that you’re wasting food; you want your produce easily accessible, but not too sparse; and you want to be sure that you’re actually going to grow the crops that you want to harvest.

If you’re growing corn, you want to be able to walk through your field and to be able to harvest systematically, so you’ll likely want to plant the corn just densely enough to grow in rows so that you can walk/work your way through them. If you haphazardly plant your corn, you’ll find some stalks didn’t grow properly due to overcrowding, you can get lost in thick forests of corn, and your harvest will be tedious and dangerous as you trip over slashed stalks.

Also, if you’re interested in a bunch of pumpkin soup, so you grab random seeds and throw them around, and then blindly water them, you don’t get to be surprised when you find a bunch of rotting tomatoes that you should have harvested sooner.

Or, if you’re lazy and decide to throw your seed everywhere, you’ll usually find that very little grew, or if you sow a small crop because you got tired, you’re going to reap a small crop.

Finally, if you’re like MTJ and were warned multiple times not to sow your wheat next to the poison ivy, but you decide that poison ivy doesn’t deserve its bad rap; you don’t get to act surprised when your legs itch and lose skin after you’ve reaped your wheat, and you don’t get to act indignant when no one wants to buy grain from the person who grows things among the poison ivy.

As a weird uncle, I have to inform you that most of us don’t want to rule a country. We want to teach the kids to sing the diarrhea song.

“This is a last-minute request I was not aware of until five minutes ago,” Fervier said.

“Life’s full of last-minute things that happen,” Mills responded.

And then they organically broke out into song about how life’s full of last-minute things and that doesn’t mean there’s a conspiracy. Complete with perfect harmonies, all the Jews and Muslims had to excuse themselves on account of all the ham.

I was gonna say that things turned to shit 25 years ago, but that’s a really anglo-centric view. Also, I wasn’t ready to face that more than half my life has been spent watching my country erode itself and the rest of the world. I keep trying to push buttons to see if I can invoke change, but it seems like these controls I was given when I turned 18 might not be connected to anything.

Now that’s how you do a cognitive dissonance!

Also, Sen. Josh Hawley should be excluded from terrestrial oxygen.

Nazi likes being the villain. Got it.

“Please don’t free the person who helped you rape our family member”

Someone needs to fire the writing staff, the latest 10 seasons of Reality: The Show have really sucked.

I once saw a supervisor use Google sheets to do a simple calculation. Could have opened the windows calculator, could have typed it into Google, could have done lots of things. But no, they created a new Google Sheet, performed one arithmetic equation, and then closed the browser.

I was so amused by this that I decided to program a 10-key calculator complete with memory recall in Google Sheets using Google Apps Script. I’ve made some wild Sheets over the years and have abused spreadsheets into things they’re not, but that’s my favorite, most useless Sheet ever. Whenever I show it to people, their first reaction is, “yeah, that’s a calculator, that’s a pretty simple tool.” But then when they realize that I wrote actual code to assign values to add then clear checkboxes and then store all these values, they look at me with genuine concern.

I know this isn’t the kind of delusional you’re talking about, but just wanted to share.

I have a cousin who once said that he’s gotten more tickets on a bike in Manhattan than anytime he’s driven through the city. He then followed that with, “in fact, I’m pretty sure that as long as you don’t hit anything that pays or collects taxes, the police will tell you to go away because you’re interrupting the flow of traffic.”

Apologies. It’s now

IF YOU’RE INNOCENT, THEN YOU DON’T HAVE ANYTHING TO WORRY ABOUT

RELEASE THE EPSTEIN FILES

If you yell and cry enough about dignity laws, maybe people won’t notice what a sex pest you are

ETA: Not OP, the people who always claim to be so chaste

Guess they figured out a way around that presidential pardon catastrophe in the making…

Hmmm… That’s a pretty valid argument. Now, normally, I’m not a big fan of hitting kids. So that’s why I’m gonna hit you instead. Get over here, you little shit!

When quarantines hit and everyone was communicating via zoom, I offered to recycle people’s computers and destroy their old hard drives for free. I’d remove and drill multiple holes through the hard drives, vacuum/dust the computer, install a small, inexpensive HDD, and install Ubuntu.

Then I’d install zoom and chrome (sorry) and then pair each computer with a wired mouse, keyboard, and webcam that I had laying around in bulk. Then I’d drop these computers off at shelters, elder communities, and religious institutions. Essentially, anywhere you’d find someone who didn’t have the means to contact family, attend an interview, or whatever.

Recycling/upcycling old computers isn’t just good for the environment and your investment, it’s good for your community!